


Scars

by crabrangoony



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Maximum Victory - Freeform, Other, Vixine - Freeform, chasefield, life is strange - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2017-01-27
Packaged: 2018-06-05 02:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6686296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crabrangoony/pseuds/crabrangoony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This work takes place post-season, assuming the "Sacrifice Chloe" ending to the game. Chloe was shot and killed in the bathroom by Nathan Prescott, who was eventually arrested for murder and his association with Mark Jefferson. While she keeps it to herself, Max Caulfield now suffers from severe PTSD due to having experienced events from now-nonexistent multiple alternate timelines; Victoria Chase enters a downward spiral of self-destructive behavior as she, too, has lost her best friend. Will the two continue to add to one another's pain, or will they set their differences aside and discover that they aren't as different as they once thought?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, AO3. It's been quite some time since I've updated here and for that, I apologize. Life is... weird. With the spring semester ending, however, I am going to have a lot more free time. I plan on using some of that time to come back to writing. I plan on finishing the other story that I have published and... well, you'll see. Anyway, let's get on with the show, hm?
> 
>  
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: This work contains instances that describe substance abuse and self-injury.

I didn’t know how I got myself into this situation. It was all because of my shit attitude. Ah yes, my inability to let anyone come anywhere near me with anything that even remotely resembled concern or admiration. Great job, Tori. It was bad enough that most of the school only pretended to like you because you were Queen Bitch. Now the one person whose opinion you actually gave a fuck about? She didn’t like you. She didn’t care for you at all, really. And that fucking sucked.

I wanted her… no. I needed her. I needed her to know that I needed her. 

I needed Max.

 

 

I had a knack for getting people I actually cared about to fucking despise me. It was a talent that I’d developed at a very young age: disguising my feelings with a veil of loathing. My most recent victim was Kate Marsh, and now Max Caulfield. I never meant to be such a raging bitch toward Kate. I felt terrible about everything that I’d put her through this year. I only did half of it because I needed to establish my place in the Vortex Club. Since I got to this shit hole town and enrolled into this fuck-all school, I have worked really hard to be popular. I just wanted people to like me… only I was starting to feel like I could have done this a completely different way. You know, a way that didn’t involve bullying and blackmailing the average Blackwell student or attempting to flirt my way in and out of everything. Max didn’t have to do any of that to become popular. People liked her because she was nice; people liked me because they were intimidated by me.

And Max… since her first day at Blackwell, I knew she would be different from the others. It was in the way that she carried herself. She seemed very timid at first-glance, but she was far from it. She didn’t care what anyone thought about her, especially me. She’d let me know on several occasions and I’d just return fire. I felt even worse this time ‘round because of that girl Nathan shot in the bathroom. Chloe, I thought her name was. Yeah… Max was close to her. Or so I’d heard. She took it hard. I had no idea what that was like… but Nate and Jefferson got arrested for some completely disgusting art project that no one knew about. They were the reason why Rachel Amber and Chloe were dead. Despite that, Max and I have had a tiny hand’s worth of moments in which I… well, actually thought that I could reach out to her. I never did, obviously. She looked like she had her own problems, so I would just lash out at her instead. I was afraid of letting her get close to me, of letting anyone get too close to me now. That was all: I was scared. I was fucking terrified of everything and everyone.

~~~

It was free period, after photography class. I wasn’t having a good day. I never do anymore. Have you ever had days where you just felt like crawling into the blankets and never coming out? It was like that, only I couldn't even make it to the bed. People didn’t look at me and think, “Oh look, it’s Victoria Chase - she tears other people down and gets fucked up at parties because she actually hates herself and is deeply unhappy.” It was more of an, “Oh look, it’s Victoria Chase - supreme bitch of Blackwell, ruling over her subjects with manicured talons and an icy gaze.” I knew what people really thought of me. My own friends didn’t even like me. Courtney and Taylor? I figured out a while ago that they hung out without me all the time. I didn’t really blame them. Shit, it served me right considering the way that I ordered them around sometimes.

But there I was, crying on the floor of my dorm. What a joke, right? I’d gone to class drunk last week. I never told anyone. It’s not like anyone could tell or gave enough of a shit to ask about it. I’d gone to class high, too. Shit, one day I was both. Some days, I’d lay on the floor of my dorm drinking vodka out of the bottle and fishing razors out of a drawer for when I couldn’t fucking feel a thing anymore. That was something else that no one would ever know about me: no one had ever seen my thighs. People assumed that I’d slept with most of the school at this point and they are sorely mistaken; I hadn’t fucked a single person here. I knew that I could get just about anyone that I wanted… but I didn’t want anyone. Anyone that wanted me, anyway. Besides, even if they did, who’d want me after all of the terrible things that I’ve said and done to my classmates? Who’d want me after they took one look at all of the ugly fucking scars on my body? I was intelligent and I was pretty, sure, but only with clothes on. 

I was blaring something from my laptop. I was too out of it to focus on the song. I took another swig from the half-empty bottle and stared at the blood trickling down my thighs; there were fresh cuts atop the many scars that now marked them. I tried to focus on the pain, but it has become difficult to feel much of anything. That was when this bad habit really took a toll on me. When I couldn’t feel anything, I’d keep cutting. When I started to feel things, I’d keep drinking. It was a vicious cycle that I couldn’t find my way out of.

I thought I’d heard a knock at my door… I wiped the tears from my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater, waiting to see if they’d go away. Nope - there it was again. 

Knock knock knock.

“Gimme a minute,” I yelled through the music, trying my best to sound like I hadn’t been drinking and sobbing like a fucking child. I stood up way too fast. Dizzy, I leaned against my bed for support. I stumbled over to my laptop and turned the music down. I felt my way around my desk for tissues. I did my best to wipe the blood away before readjusting my skirt. Finally, I made my way across the room, to the door.

“Yeah?” I cracked it open to find… Max Caulfield. “What do you want?”

Max looked at me, eyes betraying some amount of concern. She had big, dark bags under her eyes… like a zombie. She had her hands behind her back. “I didn’t mean to bother you. Sorry. But your music is pretty loud and-”

“And? It’s a free country, you fucking girl scout.”

“Okay… but,” Max undid her hands to reveal that she had my cell phone. “I wanted to return this. I guess it fell on your way out of photography and, well, I knew it was yours. So…” She stood there, probably waiting for me to snatch it away from her. All I did was stare. “I didn’t look through it. I promise.”

I hesitated at first, but I leaned forward and took it out of her hand. I unlocked it and checked for any notifications: none. Of course. “You better not have, Caulfield.” I threatened, inches from her face.

“Whoa, Victoria.” Max wrinkled her nose and took a step back. “Have… have you been drinking?”

“What? No, it’s the middle of the goddamn day. What do I look like, one of those drunk-ass dirty fishermen?”

“Dude, what gives? I just asked a question.”

“Well, it was a stupid one.” Max looked at me in disbelief. Well, shit. Now Caulfield caught a whiff of the Queen’s special perfume. It was only a matter of time before she started letting people in on the hot gossip. 

“Tori…”

“Don’t you dare fucking call me that. Only my friends can call me that. We are not friends.”

“Right, sorry.” She seemed… sad. She’d been very out of character to me these past couple of weeks. I’d seen her skip class more than a few times. Sometimes, at night, I heard her crying in her dorm. I may have been knee-deep in my own lake of shit and alcohol, but there were some things that I still paid attention to.

“Hey…” I leaned against the door. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be such a cunt all the time.”

“Oh no…” she was barely audible. I realized she was looking down at my legs. I followed her gaze to find that blood was trickling down onto my knees. “What did you do…”

“Max, fuck off.” My voice wavered. Fucking Christ, Chase. You needed to pull yourself together. The one time of all times that having your shit together mattered and you fucked up. But before I could react, Max backed me into my room and closed the door behind us.

“Victoria, seriously. I don’t really give a fuck what you think of me or what you’re going through, but please let me help you right now.”

“Just leave me alone, Max.”

“No, I won’t. Now please, just let me help you.”

“I said no!” I snarled, shoving her away from me. I pushed her so hard that I ended up falling onto the floor. Being drunk did that to you, you know, the loss of coordination and all of that bullshit. My skirt went up. She could see everything now: the cuts, the bloody smears… the scars. I covered my face so she couldn’t tell that I started tearing up. More importantly, I thought, I covered my face so I wouldn’t see her reaction.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Victoria!” It was somewhere between a whisper and a yell. “What the fuck?”

“Don’t you fucking touch me, Max!” I bleated. It was too late; she had dropped down to the floor, next to me.

“Please, just listen to me: don’t move. Be still. It’s all going to be okay.” She put her hand on one of mine. “It’s gonna be alright, I promise.” Her voice was quiet now, and weirdly soothing.

“P-please just g-g-go!” I tried my best to sound angry, but it was difficult when I was choking back a sob. “M-Max, just f-fucking go!” She ignored me. She pulled me into her arms. She even reached across the floor and picked up those blood-stained tissues to wipe more blood off of me.

“Hey,” she cooed. “It’s okay, Victoria. It’s alright.” She jumped up to grab the box of tissues and a bottle of water off my desk. It took her no time to notice the bottle of vodka next to us. She proceeded to wet the new tissues and attempt to clean my self-inflicted wounds.

“F-fuuuuuck, Jesus Christ, Max!” It fucking burned. I had forgotten what it felt like to feel nothing, just then. I learned what it was probably going to feel like when I died and went to Hell for all of this shit.

“Sit still, okay? It’s going to hurt more if you don’t relax.”

“F-f-fuck you, C-Caulfield!” I managed to spit between sobs.

“Look. I’m sorry that it fucking hurts, but you don’t want these to get infected.” She snapped. She continued to wipe the cuts with one hand and ran her fingers through my hair with the other. “I know it hurts, but I’m trying to help you.”

“I didn’t - ask f-for -” I was gasping for air at this point. “I don’t n-n-need -”

“Bullshit, you don’t need my help right now.” She paused, looking around my room. She grabbed a towel off the top of my hamper and proceeded to undo my skirt.

“What the f-f-fuck, Max? G-get off me!”

“Victoria, do you want to ruin your clothes some more?” I didn’t reply. I was too busy trying to calm myself down; in, out, in, out. “That’s what I thought. Now, keep breathing. That’s good.” She carefully slipped the article of clothing down around my hips and off my legs, using the towel to make sure more blood didn’t get on it. “There.”

At this point, I had mostly stopped crying. I was still trying to get my breathing under control. “Thank you.” I managed to squeak between cycles.

“Don’t worry about it,” Max wrapped her arms around me once more. “You need water.” She opened the bottle from my desk and held it up to my mouth. I took a few sips, but got some of it on my sweater. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” I replied quietly. She capped it. We were like that for a while, me laying on the floor and her stroking my hair. I wasn’t really sure how long she held me like that. It felt like forever… and honestly? I didn’t really want it to end.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally part of the first chapter, but I broke it into two parts. It made more sense to me. I guess.

But it did at some point. When I came to, I was in my bed. The first thing I realized was that I was in my panties and a shirt, bandages dressing my thighs; the second thing I realized was that there was an arm around me. I turned to discover a sleeping Max, tranquil face snoring quietly into my hair. This was… odd. I felt… safe? I felt safe. I hadn’t been held like this in a very long time… Sometimes Nathan would let me rest my head on him, but I was usually the one doing the holding in that friendship. He was gone now.

Max stirred. I quickly turned my head back around in case she woke up. I felt her move a little and then exhale strongly. I closed my eyes when her weight shifted. I could feel her near my face, checking on me.

“Victoria?” She breathed. I dreaded the thought of interacting with her, but I thought she’d leave if I were still asleep. I didn’t want her to leave.

“Hmmm.” I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes and look at her.

She replaced her head back onto my pillow, face within an inch of the back of my head. “How’re you feeling?”

“Mmmphfff.” A groan; I was good at those.

“I… uh, I’m afraid I can’t gauge how you’re feeling through that. Sorry.”

I turned my head toward her. “Like shit.” I turned my head away. I could still feel the alcohol swimming through my system.

“Oh.”

“Mmhmm.” She went quiet for a while. I thought she fell asleep, but then she broke the silence.

“I’m sorry that I slept in your bed with you.”

“S’fine.”

“Is it?” She was good at reading me. Despite that, I didn’t give her a real answer. We were quiet again, that is, until she interrupted the silence once more. “Tori?” This time, her voice was more quiet that before.

“... What, Max?”

She paused; she probably had to think twice about the question she wanted to ask me. She asked it anyway: “Do you want to talk about it?” I was sure that at least five minutes had passed before I gave her an answer.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” was my million-dollar response. She didn’t say anything else. She didn’t pry. She didn’t ask me to reconsider. She didn’t move. I thought that… I felt like she knew that I wanted to. That, somehow, she could hear me screaming for help, despite my mismatched retort.

“Max?” I was the one asking questions now.

“Yes, Victoria?”

I stifled a sob. Goddamnit.

I felt her arm tighten around me. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

“Please don’t go.” I was barely audible; I almost hoped that she didn’t hear me.

“I’m not going anywhere. Not right now. Not unless you want me to.”

After a long time, I finally turned over to face her. I flinched as I moved my legs, the freshly scabbed cuts cracking beneath their bandages. I kept my eyes closed so I couldn’t see her watching me struggle. 

“Please, be careful. Some of those were pretty dee-” My lips crashed into hers before she could finish that sentence. I felt my eyes go wet, the salty taste of my tears clashing with the natural sweetness of Max’s lips. I felt her arms wrap around me. Her hands slid beneath my shirt and up my back as I cupped her face with my own hands. Our lips met over and over again, each time with a clumsy new greeting; I parted hers with my tongue. She grazed my bottom lip with her teeth before moving on to kiss my face. It was almost like she was trying to kiss the tears away from my cheeks. The kisses began to stray as Max started sucking on my neck. I pulled away quickly, startled by the electric feel of her teeth against my skin.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking, I just-”

“Max.” I brought a finger to her lips; she stopped talking. “It’s okay. I was just… surprised.” She closed her eyes just as I was opening mine. I brushed my thumb against her cheek, causing her to sink her face into my hand. I planted a soft kiss on her mouth and pulled away some more.

“I just…” she trailed off as she tried leaning into me for another. I put my hands on her chest, causing her to come to a halt. Just then, our eyes actually met for the first time since waking up.

“No one gives a shit about me, so why you?” I murmured, searching her piercing blue eyes for an answer. She stared back into my own shit-brown eyes. That was how I saw them, anyway: I was so full of shit that my eyes were brown.

“Don’t think about it like that,” she replied. “I was just… I care.”

“Something that you don’t need to do.”

“What kind of person would have just ignored you, answering the door like that?”

“A lot of people,” My gaze fell to the mattress. “Max, I know that no one gives a shit about me.”

“Hey. That’s not true.”

“I don’t need you to patronize me. It’s my fault anyway - no one cares because I’m such a bitch all of the time. The one real friend that I had was gone.”

“You still have people like Taylor and Courtney around, don’t you? Besides, I care.” Max riposted, just loud enough for me to hear. “I wouldn’t have done anything if I didn’t, Victoria.”

“Well…” I didn’t know how to respond.

“Just because you deal with your problems in a way that doesn’t make them as obvious, doesn’t mean that you deserve to be alone in your room, drunk and upset. Hurting other people doesn’t justify hurting yourself. You’re just hurting another person. You’re hurting the most important person: yourself. And that is never okay. It doesn’t matter if you’re a Max Caulfield, or a Victoria Chase. You’re still a person with feelings and experiences.” I didn’t know how to respond to that, either. It took me more than a moment to process Max’s words.

“That… might be one of the nicest things that anyone has ever said to me.”

“Well, it’s true. You might give everyone a hard time, especially me, but that doesn’t mean you are any less worthy of love. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve help. I might suggest rethinking the way you interact with the rest of the world and with yourself, but you should never have to think you don’t matter or feel like no one cares. I know that, beneath the bitchy exterior, you’re a good person. You’re trying every day, even if you aren’t being vocal about it.” At that point, I couldn’t answer her because I was crying again. Jesus - buck up, Tori. Max wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into her chest.

“I’m sorry,” I choked out. “I d-don’t know how to s-s-stop.”

“It’s okay.” She replied sweetly. “Well, it’s not, but I’m still here.”

“T-thank you, Max.”

She kissed my forehead. No one had ever done that before.

“Victoria… you’re always welcome in my arms.”

Just then, I remembered a verse in the Bible that Kate had recited in photography once:

 

“Come to me,  
all you who are weary and burdened,  
and I will give you rest.”

\- Matthew 11:28


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, new content. I'm working on more. I don't exactly know how long this is going to be yet so... enjoy it for now? Thanks for reading. See you, time cowboys.

I saw Max a few more times after that. I actually went to photography once they found a proper substitute to replace Jeffershit. She was there, leaning against Kate’s desk while she showed her some drawings. Kate’s art was always so radiant and well-done. I didn’t know why it was so hard for me to just say things like that to her.

“Hey bitch,” Courtney greeted me as I approached our cluster of desks.

“Hey.”

“Are you good? You look… well, you look like shit.” remarked Taylor. I really knew how to pick my friends, hm?

“Wow! Thanks, Taylor! I had no idea that I looked fucking terrible! Thank you, seriously, for that observation.” I could feel myself going red in the face.

“Jesus Christ, Tor. What crawled up your ass?”

“Nothing,” I growled. “I don’t feel like talking today.”

“All right, we’ll lay off.”

“Yeah, sorry.” Taylor put her hand on my shoulder. “But when you’re ready to talk about it, remember that you can talk to us about whatever.”

“Right.” I wasn’t even paying attention to them. I was staring at the doe-eyed girl across the room. I could tell that she had been listening to my little outburst. I saw her eyes flick toward my desk though her attention remained focused on Kate. I pulled out my phone.

Victoria: Didn’t anyone ever tell you that eavesdropping isn’t nice?

I watched her fish her phone out of her pocket. She turned and glared at me.

Max: Well excuuuse me, princess. I was just looking out for you.

Victoria: Well quit it.

Max: Look I’m all for keeping out of each other’s way, but are you REALLY going to act like the other day didn’t happen???

Victoria: What are you even talking about?????

I could see her growing visibly frustrated with me. Kate noticed, too, because I saw her point at the cell phone. Max seemed to have played it off as something trivial. Or not, considering Kate shot me an unappreciative look once Max took her seat. I felt my phone vibrate.

Max: Can we please talk later?

Victoria: I don’t have time for dirty hippies, sry. x

Max: Very funny. You know what else is funny? Everyone finding out that Her Worshipfulness isn’t as strong as she appears to be…

It was my turn for dirty looks. I mustered up all of the energy I had reserved for today in order to make the bitchiest face possible at her. Her mouth twisted into a sickeningly sweet smile as a response.

Victoria: You are a little snake, you hipster fuck. Fine. 

Victoria: My room, six sharp. I’m not answering if you’re off by even a second.

Class was nothing noteworthy. The substitute spent the first half trying to figure out where we left off- none of us were terribly enthused considering Jeffershit kind of ruined photography for some of us -and the second half of the period trying to get us to participate in a class discussion. I almost felt bad for him. Almost. 

It was two o'clock now. I had four hours to kill before my blackmailed meeting with that twee dork. I wanted to shower, but I already knew it was going to be Hell on my legs. The only thing worse than that moment after you cut yourself where you realize you did it again, are the showers you take for the next three fucking days. 

I decided to suck it up and go. I hadn’t showered this morning or yesterday anyway. No wonder Court and Sweet T said I looked like shit - I did. I went to my room to pick out a more comfortable outfit and grab my shower caddy when I ran into Kate in the hallway.

“Victoria.” She said, firmly grasping my attention. 

“Yes, O Righteous Mother Kate?” I sneered, expecting her to leave me alone after that.

“Whatever you’re giving Max crap about… just stop. Okay?”

I was almost too surprised to respond. “What?” Still a valid response.

“You heard me: leave her alone. She’s been through enough and she doesn’t need more from you, whatever it is.”

“I’m not-” I stopped myself. Kate had nothing to do with this. I could barely believe the words coming out of her mouth; she’d really grown a backbone through everything that’s happened. “Fine. I won’t bother her.”

“... Really?”

“Yes… if you ever see us talking, it will just be talking. Really.”

“Oh.” Kate awkwardly straightened out her sweater. “Well… okay. I’ll see you later.” She went about her way.

I shrugged off the exchange and made my way to the shower room. I didn’t spend very long in there. I practically had to do the hokey-fucking-pokey to clean myself without getting too hurt. Once I finished, I retreated back to my dorm. I slipped into a pair of sweats and a tank top. I stared at myself in the mirror for a long time. I always thought I looked better with make-up on. It wasn’t that I didn’t think I was pretty, because I knew I that I was. I just felt like a work of art when I was all painted up. 

I put on some music and got an early start on my homework while I waited for the next two hours to pass. I started with AP English because it was so easy for me. Language classes were never an issue for me. Words weren’t hard, didn’t matter whether they were in English or French or what. Pictures weren’t either, I guess. But feelings… feelings were hard. I tried to stay away from those.

At six o’clock on the dot, my bedroom door swung open; it was Max. No surprises there.

“Wow, knock much?”

“Hey, you said ‘six sharp’ and I didn’t think you were bluffing about locking me out.”

“... Fair enough, but still inconsiderate. What if I had been indecent?”

Max smirked at the thought. “First of all, I don’t think you’d choose to change so close to a time when you were expecting company, especially me.” She paused. I thought I saw her blush a little. “Second of all, it’s nothing that I didn’t see the other day.”

“That’s not fair, you shit!” I exclaimed, throwing a crumpled piece of paper at her. It hit her in the head while she laughed at me. Served her right.

“Have it your way.” She chortled. She cleared her throat, taking a seat on my couch in a more serious tone.

“You didn’t even ask to sit? You are just racking up penalties, Caulfield.”

She didn’t smile this time. “Look, are we going to do this or what?” I rolled my eyes and removed myself from the desk to join her on the couch.

“What, okay? What is it? What did you need to talk to me about so badly?” She hesitated. “Oh no, don’t you fucking second-guess yourself now. You wanted this. Now, spit it out or stop wasting my fucking time.”

She leaned in and kissed me. Oh, Christ. Was this what she needed me for? It was full of fire, but short. She broke it and looked away from me. 

“I’m sorry.” she mumbled, looking down at her shoes.

“You little…” Before I could find the words, I felt myself lean forward and counter with my own kiss. Tori… what the fuck? Control yourself! Only, I couldn’t. I had a taste and I felt her. I felt the earth shook and my heart pound for the first time in forever, and now I needed her. My hands went to her waist as she deepened the kiss. I flicked my tongue across her lips and I heard her stifle a moan. I wasn’t sure how far this would have gone, had she not lowered her hands to my legs and squeezed my thighs. I yelped, jumping out of reach. It stung so fucking badly that I felt my eyes water.

“Shit, I’m so sorry! I completely forgot!” Max scooted away from me and hid behind her hands.

I inhaled; I exhaled. “It’s fine. I’m fine.” I turned to face her, placing a hand on her knee. “We’re fine.”

She peeked at me through her fingers. How cute. “Are you sure?”

“No, but let’s not dwell on it.”

“Well, I’m really sorry.”

“Maxine. It’s fine.” 

“Okay…” She grew quiet. She looked at me again. “So…”

I rolled my eyes at her, trying not to laugh. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction. “Was that really all you wanted from me?”

“No! Well… I actually did want to talk to you.”

“Okay, what about?” She hesitated once more. “Look, I doubt it could be worse than the shit show that happened the other night. Or just now.”

She laughed nervously. “I guess.” She cleared her throat, also out of nervousness. “Victoria… I know that we aren’t really friends, but I’d like to think that we have a few less obvious things in common that a friendship could benefit from.”

“And…”

“I… I know you’re fucked up right now. You can lie to your friends and to yourself, but not to me. It’s because I am, too. So, I think we could maybe help each other feel less fucked up about… everything?” Look what we had here, Max asking for friendship. If she thought she could just walk in here after seeing one little breakdown and be my best friend… 

“I don’t know what you think we have in common, Caulfield, but you don’t get to fucking blackmail me into being friends with you. I drink, I hurt myself, and I’ve been in a rut. So what? My best fucking friend is in jail now. He was used by my favorite teacher to murder people. Whatever you thought you could come in here and pull on me… well, you better recalculate your fucking plan.”

“My best friend is dead.” She said. Well, fuck. What the fuck was I supposed to say to that? “I’m sorry, but she is. Your best friend killed her. Jefferson was my favorite teacher, too, unless you’ve forgotten. You and I both loved photography because of him. I might be a little pretentious, but so are you. I wish that I could just drink to forget everything like you, but I can’t. I remember s-…” She trailed off. She had this look on her face… like she was reliving something horrible, frozen in time. 

“Max?”

She flinched. Her eyes adjusted to me, like a lens re-focusing. “Right, sorry. I didn’t mean to minimize whatever you’re going through. I just… We have a lot more in common than you think, and I think we could help each other. Could we at least try?”

I suppose she had a good point. I had to mull it over for a moment or two, but in the end, I figured giving her a chance was the least fucking terrible thing that could happen this month. What more did I have to lose?

“Okay. We can try.”

“Great!” She beamed. The smile quickly faded from her lips. “So um… what are we going to do about… well…”

“What we’re going to do about what, you spaz?”

“You know…” She gave me a look.

“No. I don’t know.”

“The… all of the kissing and the… you know…”

I could feel myself starting to blush. “Just… just try and keep it in your pants, you hotdog.”

“If I recall correctly, Your Royal Bitchness, I was not the one that made the first move.”

“Ugh!” I shoved her off the couch once she started giggling. “People do stupid shit when they’re fucking depressed. You’re just lucky I’ve already said yes to your bullshit.”

“Whatever you say, Tor.” She flirted.

I wasn’t going to let her know it, but I was having fun already.


	4. Chapter 4

Being friends with Max Caulfield was… more fun than I thought it would be, when we were both some variation of okay. I didn’t know how it would be. I didn’t know what she did on her own time. I thought she just laid around in her atrocious thrift store clothes, taking selfies all day. But no… she mostly just laid around. Something told me that this was not how Max normally functioned. Since volunteering for the Blackwell’s Help-A-Hipster chapter, I’ve walked in to her crying in her room at least twice. What the fuck is that about?

Okay… so someone died. A couple of people died. And some got arrested. But why the fuck was she so upset about that? I didn’t know she was so goddamn sensitive. Maybe I should be more sensitive... fuck that. That got me into all this shit. I let my guard down and Caulfield thinks we’re going to be BFFs now just because she caught me on a bad day.

Two weeks have passed since that happened. And a weird fucking two weeks it’s been. We had photography today and Max wasn’t here. I sat at my usual table with Taylor and Courtney. They’d turned the other cheek regarding my outburst. They usually do. Part of me feels like they don’t really care about my feelings, but the other part of me thinks they do and just don’t want to make it worse. I usually say something when I’m being a bitch, but… this time is different. It’s not just a bad mood. It felt like I was shoved into a deep, dark fucking pit and I’ve been trying to claw my way out only to slide further into the pit everything fucking time I slip.

I stayed through the lesson even though it was boring as fuck. As soon as the bell dismissed us, I made up some lame-o excuse to my friends and hauled ass to the girls’ dormitory. I got there no problem and no one was in the hall – good. I made my way to Max’s door and knocked. 

“Max?” There wasn’t a response.

I knocked again. “Caulfield, I swear to god. I will come in there unless to tell me to fuck off.” Silence. Shit.

I hesitated, but I opened the door to find… Max, curled up in a blanket on the floor. Her room looked and smelled like shit, which was not normal. She wasn’t anywhere near as clean as me, but this… this was next-level shit. The trash bin overflowed with papers that contained nightmarish scribbles and tissues; some of the tissues had blood on them. There were also bits of ripped up photos… everywhere. They were around the bin, around her desk, on the bed – everywhere. I noticed that her weird hipster photo memorial had pictures missing. There were bottles, books, and assignments on every surface while bloodstained shirts and sweaters riddled the floor.

“M-Max?” I couldn’t even tell if she was breathing at this point. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I reached out and prodded her lightly.

“Chloe!” She screamed, jolting up in her sleep. Fucking Christ.

“Fuck – Max!” I jumped so hard I thought I was going to fall over. It took her a moment to realize I was in front of her.

“Victoria?”

“Yes, why the fuck-“ I stopped. I noticed how puffy her eyes were. I could see cracked, dried blood in the corners of her nostrils. “Max… what the fuck is going on with you?”

She sat up, wiping her eyes and nose. “Nothing, nothing. I’m fine.”

“So, uh… that bullshit you gave me about not lying? Yeah,” I gestured around at the fucking hazmat zone that was her bedroom. “Don’t even with me right now. Now what’s up?”

“It’s… it’s not that simple, Victoria.”

“Fuck you and your double standard, Caulfield.”

“I’m being serious. It’s not.”

“Being friends with you – that shit is not simple.” I leaned back, weight on my palms as they pressed against the floor. Max pulled the blanket tighter around herself.

“I want to talk to you, but…”

“But what, Max?”

She looked up at me. “I… can’t.”

“You can’t?”

“… No.” She turned away. “I’m sorry.” She was barely audible.

… Goddamnit. “Hey it’s… okay.”

“But it’s not, I…” I heard a sniffle. “Tori I-“

“Max.” I scooted toward her and tried to put my arm around her. “It’s okay.”

We sat like that for a while, part of it being to comfort her and the other part being because I didn’t know what to say. I felt like such a fucking moron. But like I said: feelings are hard.

“Thank you.” Max squeaked, breaking the long silence.

I looked down at her. “Yeah?”

“You didn’t cut out of class early for me, did you?”

“Because I’d sacrifice my education for a twee dork like you,” I breathed. “No, but I left as soon as the bell rang.”

“Why?”

“Jesus, Caulfield. Why can’t you just accept that I am trying to be nice?” She sat up a little and sniffled again – that stupid, cute bitch.

“Because,” she replied. “It’s just… I’m sorry. I know I asked you and you said you’d try. It’s just weird to get used to.”

“You’re telling me.” I shifted over a little and felt her tense up. “Now what?”

“I…” The room was dark, but I could tell by how warm she was that she was blushing. “This is nice.”

“Let me guess: you like girls?” I laughed.

She pulled herself away from me, frowning. “What if I do?”

“… Do you?”

“… Yes, actually. I do.”

“So, what are you, a lesbian? Max Carpet-Munching Caulfield?”

“And what if I was?” I could tell that I was pushing her.

“Well that’s… fine. I’m just giving you a hard time.”

We were quiet again. Why can’t I ever just close my fucking mouth? Everything is like word vomit to me. I think of something and I have to say it.

“I like both.” Max replied, breaking the second awkward silence today.

“So… you’re bi?”

“I guess.”

“That’s… cool, I guess.”

“It’s just how I am.”

“Okay.”

“Do you like girls, Victoria?” Max asked, looking at me again. I laughed, maybe too loudly; I realized that she wasn’t trying to be funny.

“Oh… wait, you’re actually asking me?”

“Yes.”

“I…” I didn’t know how to answer that. I’d thought about it, of course. Doesn’t everyone question that at some point or another? I think they do. However, I doubt people fucking talk about it when they do considering a lot of the shit people get for it sometimes.

“If you don’t want to talk about this, it’s okay,” Max said, playing with a loose string on the blanket. “But if you do, I promise you can talk to me about it.”

“I… I don’t know, actually.”

“That’s okay, too.”

“Except it’s not, because I can’t talk to anyone about it and it fucking bothers me.”

“Well, what do you wanna talk about?”

“I just… how do you know?”

“Know what?”

“How do you know that you’re gay, Lamefield?”

She frowned again. “You know, it wouldn’t kill you to be nice to me after I’ve told you that you could talk to me about something so personal.”

“You’re right,” I sighed, smoothing my hair back. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I get so defensive, I just-“

“I know why you do it. It’s because you’re scared.”

“Oh, fuck you. Scared of what?”

“You’re scared of finding out that you are actually as alone as you feel right now.” She was looking at me now. I hate those big, sad, blue eyes. Those stupid eyes that look like they can see you. I mean, the real you. The real me. Not this bullshit stonewall front that I give literally everyone.

“Alone? Earth to Help-A-Hipster: I’m the most popular girl in school.”

“I know that… but it doesn’t mean that you never feel alone.”

“And I repeat: the most popular. I have handfuls of friends.”

“Says the girl that I walked in on drinking and hurting herself in the middle of the day.” She had a point. She was still looking at me. I wished she’d stop. I wished she didn’t see through me now… I knew that wasn’t true, but still.

I hesitated. “… I’ve thought about it. I still don’t know if I’m like that or not.”

“You make it sound so taboo.” Max replied, finally relieving eye contact.

“Isn’t it? Aren’t your parents totally upset and shit?”

“No?” Max questioned incredulously. “I mean, I haven’t really talked about it, but I’m sure they wouldn’t care. They’d love me no matter what.”

“Well, not everyone is as lucky.”

“Do you think your parents would be upset if you liked girls?”

“I’m a Chase, Max. I have a legacy to uphold. Everything about me must be perfect… and, in my parent’s eyes, gay is not perfect. Gay is a smudge on the Chase family trophy. I am a smudge already – no need to make me any blurrier or uglier.”

“Tori… I’m sorry.”

“It’s whatever,” I tried to brush off sharing something personal, but she could tell that she’d uncovered something raw. “Anyway, we should probably eat or do homework or… something that is not this.”

“You… wanna hang out some more?”

I started to get up. “Unless you want me to go back to Bitch Across the Hall That Makes Your Life Hell or Close To It…”

“No,” she followed suit. “I was just asking if you meant doing those things together or if you were going back to your room?”

“Hm… how about this: we both go off and do our own things for a bit- like eat and check on our minions before they lose their shit -and then we could… ‘hang out?’” I used air quotes around the last two words.

“If that’s what you want?”

“Well, yeah, but when you sound all sad like that and shit…” She still had that blanket draped around her. Why did she have to look so fucking cute and pathetic?

“It’s okay. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

“All right, loser. If you don’t clean this shit all up, don’t think us hanging out is going to consist of me helping you get your shit together.” I reached for the door.

“Victoria!” Saying my name just then was the loudest she’d been all day. I turned around to see her watching me with those blue eyes, her right hand raised in front of her like I was a deer or some shit.

“What, Max?”

“I…” She straightened up and lowered her hand. “Thank you. For today, I mean.”

“Oh.” I couldn’t help myself from smiling, just a little. “Don’t mention it.”

“But really.”

“But really – don’t mention it.” I stepped through the door. “See you at four, dork.”

 ~~~

“So, where were you?”

I was sitting at a lunch table with Taylor and Courtney, trying to eat. Courtney was uploading a selfie to her online page and Taylor was interrogating me about what the fuck I’ve been doing today.

“I just had to get something from my room, bee-atch. Nosey much?”

“You just took a while, is all.”

“I can’t take my time doing shit?”

“Were you /taking/ a shit?”

“Ugh, get the fuck out of here. I was grabbing tampons.” I lied.

“I’m just giving you a hard time, Vic.”

“You guys wanna hit a mall or something tonight?” Courtney interrupted.

“Ugh, yas girl. I wanna see if those shoes I saw last week are still there.” My minions looked at me, expectantly.

“Actually, I’ve got other plans. Don’t wait up for me.”

“Oooooh!” Taylor exclaimed.

“Scandalous!” Courtney remarked. “What are you getting up to, Tor? I’m curious since Nate has been taken away and-”

“It’s none of your business.”

“But we’re your friends!”

“Friends doesn’t mean you guys have to jump down my throat about every minute of my day.”

Taylor gave me quizzical eyes. “Victoria… you don’t actually have to tell us, okay? But be smart and stuff. All that weird, terrible shit that just happened and… just be safe, okay?”

“Right. Thanks.”

“We should probably head out now, actually.” Courtney started to get up; Taylor followed. “You know how long Sweet Tea takes looking at all those jackets and shit.”

“Oh my god, you are the same way with necklaces.”

“Whatever.” She playfully shoves our blonde friend and they giggle.

I gave them a weird look. “All right, all right. Go have fun. Gay it up somewhere else.” They didn’t seem to appreciate that comment as they were now walking away from me. “I wanna see the cute shit you guys try on!” I shouted after them. They turned and blew me kisses.

After I finished eating, I grabbed some things on the likely chance that Max did not actually eat while I was gone. I retreated to my room and decided to change clothes. I touched up my makeup, too, and that part always takes the fucking longest goddamn time. Why did I do it? Who was I doing it for? I did it for myself. At least, I thought so. Or was I doing it for Max…

Max. I couldn’t believe I agreed to hang out with her. Again. I blew off Court and Sweet Tea for her. Since when did I do that? Whatever. I could see who I wanted to.

I put my pearls back on, fixed my hair, and left to knock on Max’s door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Howdy hey there, readers. I hope you enjoyed this update. Don't worry, there's more. I'm /trying/ to space out the updates so I have time to write while I am not working/going to my classes. Going well so far. Anyway, I hope you're all having good weeks or that your week gets better.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT (21 JAN 2017): Hello, AO3. It's been a while. A long while. Sorry about that. Anyway, I've re-vamped this chapter as I am expanding this from a oneshot into an actual story. A note on the contents of this piece of work: Victoria is messed up right now. When people are messed up, sometimes they do things that they wouldn't normally do. They act in ways that they wouldn't normally act. It happens with things like depression and PTSD. That is what I am trying to depict here. Part of this comes from personal experience. If you still don't agree with it, that's fine. People all handle things differently and in varying degrees. But I digress. Thank you for your support. I'll try not to take so long this time.
> 
>  
> 
> ORIGINAL: Quite a bit happened up there, right? Right... 
> 
> So depending on how this work is received, I may expand this oneshot into a full story. I've been working on it as such, I just haven't been so sure about whether people would like it or not. Please leave feedback! I won't know how you feel unless you show it! As always, thank you all for the support you've shown me and I promise that you'll hear from me again.


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